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He also felt a familiar longing come overhim, one which had surfaced regularly throughout hislife, and one which, even though Beals knew him quiteintimately, he was embarrassed to share with him. Butbefore long, the urge became too great to resist, andBeals had to be consulted.“Beals?” Mr. Duchose inquired, “I would like to visit abookstore today where I can find a somewhat special kindof literature, related to, uh, well, actually, spanking.You know, stories about spankings, drawings, childhoodexperiences, that sort of thing. It interests me.”“Oh, I am sorry sir,” said Beals. “We don’t have any ofthat here for you.”“How odd,” said Mr. Duchose. “Nothing? There must besome such place, even here. You do have porno shopsdon’t you?”“Oh, yes sir. We do indeed. But they do not have any ofthat kind of material. No books, no video tapes, nomagazines concerning spanking. Nothing. Not for you,sir.. There is much, much yet for you to learn. You are still far too proud. But this punishment softens you, it takes you places you never thought you'd go. It takes you beyond yourself. Once there your true self can begin to emerge. Do you understand?" "Yes, master," I said quickly and with a trace of awe. The frightening thing was that I _did_ understand. I understood it so clearly that it scared me. Because the captain was correct: I needed harsh discipline. I needed to be spanked. I was proud and willful and all of my bravado was nothing but words in the wind. I acted rebellious and heroic because that was the way I thought I was supposed to act. Inside I knew that it was just an act. It was nothing I believed in. In fact, I suddenly realized, I had not worn the sheet because I was shy or attempting to protect my innocence--I had worn it because I had been afraid to be myself! The real me had thrilled at the idea of walking naked from my cabin to the galley with dozens of men.
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